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Changing My Story

I grew up with stories. My dad could spin a yarn like nobody’s business. They were often just on the edge of believability in that place where you knew they probably weren’t true but you sure wanted them to be. His mother was a storyteller in her own right. She told me of the past. How she met my grandfather, how she built a house with her own two hands, about the child that died unexpectedly, and how my life changed my family. Because of them, I fell in love with stories.

Not long into my adulthood, I began reading a master storyteller, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Her books and tapes were like sacred literature in my development as a woman. That might sound “far fetched” (as my dad likes to say) but it is the truth. Clarissa taught me to look at story as medicine, as a thing that tells us about ourselves, gives us guidance for healing. I learned along the way that I could use story to change my life.

Change your story; change your life.

I know it is true because I have put it to practice over and over again.  I was the kid that did poorly in school. While my cousins and best friends were hanging out on the Honor Roll, I was struggling through books and trying to wrap my head around equations.  I was in a fog. I struggled through the first years in college too but after learning that I could change my story, I started telling myself I was a good student. I daydreamed on what it would feel like to live that story, and my grades started to improve. I fell in love with learning and even went on to get my Masters in counseling. I walked away with a 4.0 and a national award for influencing the field of counseling. Sometimes, I am amazed at the distance I came.

That is just one example of how changing my story has drastically changed my life.

Today, I am sitting with a different story. This story has been spinning itself for twenty two years now. It is a story that tells me I will die young….in fact my story suggest I will die at the age of 45.  That is not very long from now.  I turn 45 in 30 months.  Exactly two and a half years from now.  Why would this story have so much weight?!

When my mom was a young woman, her father died. He was 45. And as children who have lost their parents often do, they begin to feel their parents’ deaths are a reflection of their own deaths, a kind of inheritance.  She began to believe she would die at 45. And in fact, she did.  Crazy, huh?  I tried not to fall into that rut myself, but some mechanism inside me switch on when she died. It chatters out that story, and my life, my actions follows suit.

No, there are no blatantly obvious signs of my early demise. I have no disease, no life threatening disorder. But sometimes, I feel myself moving so fast and frantic that it seems as if I am running from something. This week I realized I am.  Death is nipping at my heels. So I live life at a sprint’s pace…quickly working to make my big, beautiful dreams come true before the end of it all.

 

Well, today I stopped.

Today I stopped, and I turned around. I stood quietly and looked Death in the face.

This is the beginning of Changing My Story.  I don’t know where it will lead me exactly, but I do know that with my own hand on the pen I will choose life. Life….happy, peaceful….and long.

What story have you changed in your life? What story would you change if you knew you could?

 

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12 Comments
  1. Powerful post, Rachel! You are an inspiration. So happy you are re-writing your story. We need you.
    XO,
    Mary

  2. Change your story, change your life….. So true Rachel. Why do we fall into the trap of telling ourselves horror stories instead of romance? Tragedy instead of triumph? I admire your story and the strength you have to design it’s chapters.

  3. our minds are filled with stories – most of them not true – yet we believe them to be so (they define and delimit us). One day we wake up and discover it was all make-believe – that we make it up as we go. So yeah, why not consciously make up the stories that will define us and our lives rather than simply absorbing and/or remaining unconscious of the stories we do hold on too because they tell us who we are.

    I have a few stories to tell……maybe in a blog post on the Tribe.

    robert

    • I would be honored to share your stories, Robert! You are right. My story about dying doesn’t make sense but it has meaning behind it and that gives it power. So now I am changing the meaning….and the ending. 🙂

  4. I have not shared this with anyone before because it seems far fetched ~ I will die when I am 72. The date is February 9th, 20?? I am too scared to look and figure out the date, but it is coming in less than 20 years. It came in a vivid dream, and most of my vivid dreams have come true. So how to re-write my life story?

    • Linda, I have spent a lot of time wondering how to get away from my death year. But now it just seems clear. Change my story….take action on focusing on longevity instead of an inheritance of death at 45. Good luck on your journey. 🙂

  5. Rachel – very powerful, indeed!!! I am so excited that you have decided to LIVE your Happily Ever After!! You have so much to give and your sweet spirit shines through – we need you for at least another 45 years! xo

  6. Very interesting post Rae. I really do believe you can change your Good for you!!

  7. So profound! Change your story, change your life! Choose life instead of death! 🙂

    • I read it somewhere…the change your story, change your life…just can’t remember where. It seems to have shown up just in time.

  8. I would like my story to change and for me to be a wealthy woman! I have changed the story with other things, but this baby seems to elude me!! but things are getting pressing. actually I would like to be a wealthy woman with a wealthy husband!!

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