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Secrets to Shifting Out of Difficulty and Into Delight

bouncing back

When we start talking about seeing life’s difficulties with a positive spin, I know from personal experience there can be a part of the self that wants to throw a hand up in the air and turn its back on the whole conversation.

 Girl friend, these troubles are mine!  I came to them the hard way…with bumps, bruises, and plenty of tears.  And you just want me to push them aside? Sister, puh-leez!

It may sound like I am exaggerating, but I have heard it from friends and clients too.  Something in us needs to hold onto the dramas and traumas of life, and when someone suggests we move away from them ….especially the big, hairy, scary ones….. we stand our ground.

I have shared over the last several months about working through my big stuck-in-place stories, dealing with the illness and death of loved ones, facing personal fears and those the same scary-world scenarios we all see on TV.  The more I practice moving out of the pain and into the possibility, the easier it is getting.  Here are some of my secrets.

Start where you are.  If you feel yourself digging in with both heels, staying close to the pain….for whatever reason….let that be where you start your journey towards healing.  Giving yourself permission to honor the hurt can often be an important step in eventually finding relief.

Invite your creativity in.  Honoring the hurt with creativity helps you take something that feels stuck and brings movement to it without disregarding the part of you that needs the experience recognized.  It also opens a door to a new perspective.  The options are endless for how to bring creativity into a difficulty. They range from journaling to dance, include music, gardening, or just getting quiet and going inward.

creative collaboration sisters

A Favorite Technique. One of my faves right now is to imagine that some thing greater than myself…. that could be a Higher Power, helping spirit, imagined healing hand, angel, saint, or some part of myself more wise… that some Guide  has a gift for me that comes from the situation I am stuck in.  I get quiet, close my eyes, and let my helper hand me a box that will show what the gift is.  I open it and look inside.  Sometimes it takes me awhile, may even takes more than one visit to see and understand what is inside the box.  I am patient.  I try to never force it.  Try to let it come more from my creativity and less from my willful mind. The gifts are often simple and nearly always, if I am willing to receive the gift, I find them comforting and healing.

An Organic, Intuitive Process.  Moving from difficult and into delight is a process.  The most helpful part in my opinion is the decision itself.  Will I choose to be happy?  How long will I stay with all the hard feelings the difficulty brings?  Could I redefine myself as one of those people who bounces back…who feels the feelings, listens to that guiding spirit within myself that knows how to move towards happiness then resets the path to lead me there?  I have decided to be that person.

resilience quote 2

The Ultimate Reward.  I have been exploring this for about 8 months, this transforming of those dense feelings into life lessons and morsels of meaningfulness.  The process leads to all kinds of rewards.  I am learning so much about myself and the way life works.  But the ultimate reward is a sense of strength I feel from making my back to peace when life brings situations that feel difficult.  I am discovering that I am resilient and that sometimes what feel like a pickle of a situation was really something beautiful in disguise.  This is the key for me to staying on top of emotional wellness.

Current Workshop: Angels In My Studio 2013

REGISTRATION NOW OPEN……CLICK FOR DETAILS

Before you leave:  Check Out Angels In My Studio…the e-course

Angels in My Studio 2013

Starts soon….would love to take it with you!

Rachel Payne Life Coach

Surprise Birthday Gifts

UNT Mouth

While on my road trip up the middle of  America and back again, I had a birthday.  I had thought perhaps that I would make a bit to-do about it….because that is how I usually do birthdays on my blog, but instead I was busy getting my car fixed.  I made the best of it though….donuts and all!!

Birthday Donut 2

 I had been staying with my cousin Lori on a communal far just outside of Oklahoma City.  On the morning of my birthday, she took me to a donut shop and ambushed me with Happy Birthday at the top of her lungs…solo.  I was mortified and delighted all in the same breath…which I am sure is the exact reaction she was hoping for!  (This little bird was my car mascot for the trip.  Great listener, by the way!)

Birthday Donut

My birthday passed rather quietly after that.  I usually like to spend some time looking back and visioning the year to come, but my attention was on the trouble I was getting fixed on my car and the 4 hour drive to at night to my next destination, Springfield, MO.

Back to the Gifts

The work GIFT is one of my words for 2013.  It serves as a theme that I can focus on for self-exploration.  This last week, I have been working on understanding some of the more difficult areas of my life.  Why now?  Well, life has a way of doing a bit of Spring cleaning from time to time.  Now is my time.  Difficulites…..We all have them, the things we always come back to or that pop up multiple times over the course of our life.  It might be self-esteem, an old story about ourselves we hold onto, a fear we just can’t kick.

The difficult areas I am working on are about limitations that I have perceived in my life.  Some of them are physical limitations, others emotional….sometimes they are relational and even mental.   Some are stories about myself that were told to me when I was very young that I continued to believe.  Some stories about about what it means to be a woman in this society or to grow older as a woman.  Some are of my own invention, some circumstantial.

Over the last week or so, I have been challenging the limitations.  I think having driven to the other side of the country on my own has given me a new perspective on life. (Seriously, some days I am shocked that I did that. And never once since I got back have I regretted it!)  My new perspective isn’t just on life as it is, but I am looking back over my life and attempting to re-story-ing it.

I am specifically looking for aspects of my story that were overlooked before.  One of my mentors, Dr. Rose Knippa, has been visiting with me about how life is always in balance or moving back into balance…..and how we often don’t see it as such.  So I have been going back to look for how life was balanced when I didn’t see it as such.

For example, I discovered this week that one of the most difficult and painful parts of my life, losing my mom when I was 21, significantly shaped who I am today.  I have felt the limitations of it for a long time, and sometimes I could glimpse that good things came from it.  But this week I am more fully tapping into the many gifts my mom’s early death has brought to me and how I use those gifts with my clients.  Her death sent me looking for answers about pain management which sent me to massage school.  It sent me to study counseling and shapes my coaching practice.  It helps me to understand first hand the stages of grief, the process of dying, and the family dynamics that can shift as a result.  Her death was the catalyst for my shift towards visual art and has been the subject of most of my art journaling over the years.  More than anything, it has taught me that death isn’t the end. Even when someone dies, there is an alive-ness to what was between you and them that can grow.  You might call it cultivated memory or a spiritual relationship.  Whatever it is, it has been essential to the peace I am finding with her passing as I grow older.

Rachel Payne art

I just don’t know who I would be had I not had this extreme event to weave into my being.  For most of my life, I would not have even imagined that I might say I am grateful for her passing.  I would prefer that she be alive and happy, right here beside me. AND. I am grateful for the gifts that came from her death.  This week more than any in my life, I can see what those gifts are.

Later this week….

I want to share with you how I am moving from disgruntled about the difficulties in life to grateful.  In the meantime, I invite you to begin looking for the gifts you might have tucked away in your life that could make the hard times the most valuable times in you life.

Til then….keep creating!

Angels in My Studio 2013

Current Workshop: Angels In My Studio 2013

REGISTRATION NOW OPEN……CLICK FOR DETAILS

Rachel_Payne

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Hi, I am Rachél.... the quirky, big-hearted soul behind Creativity Tribe, a sanctuary for your creative spirit. As a life coach and artist, I know the importance of community, celebration, and transformation. Creativity Tribe is abuzz with connections to other creative bloggers and offers tips and stories to inspire your creative lifestyle!
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There is a beauty that comes out of sharing a journey with another person....a dream for yourself, a direction for a project, a way out of the muck that holds your Creative Spirit back. Let's talk about working together. creativitytribe@gmail.com